


The Ridiculous

by WingedFlight



Category: Beauty and the Beast (1991), Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Gen, NFE madness, Rabadash is the Gaston of the Chronicles, Rabadash the Ridiculous, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 12:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20471207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingedFlight/pseuds/WingedFlight
Summary: No one's slick as Rabadash.





	The Ridiculous

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starbrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbrow/gifts).

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Rabadash,

Looking so up on a hook

Everyone here’s come to see you, Rabadash, 

So kind that you gave them a look

There’s no man in Anvard as wanted as you

You’re everyone’s favourite guy

To gut and to spit on their spear as you

And it’s not… very hard… to see why! 

No one’s slick as Rabadash

No one’s quick as Rabadash

No one knows how to turn a good trick like Rabadash

For there’s no one in Tashbaan as charming

Perfect with quite so much flair

You can ask Kidrash, Arsheesh or Rishti, 

They’ll all tell you they wish to have all of his hair

Who weaves lies like Rabadash?

Who survives like Rabadash?

Who makes all of the sweet ladies cry like Rabadash? 

_ As the Tisroc’s heir, yes, I’m intimidating _

My, what an ass, that Rabadash!

No one fights like Rabadash

Sets his sights like Rabadash

Looks so dashing in all of his tights like Rabadash

_ When I strike, I leap up from a boulder _

_ And call upon Tash with a prayer _

_ Like a bolt from above, I am terror _

And get caught halfway down

On a tear? 

_ Don’t you dare!  _

No one plots like Rabadash

Never stops like Rabadash

Sees Queen Susan and then has the hots like Rabadash

_ I’m especially good at infatuation _

Look out for Rabadash!

_ When I was a lad, I had four dozen bros _

_ Every one of them younger than I _

_ And now that I’m grown, I have five dozen bros _

_ And they’re all rooting for me to die _

No one’s fast as Rabadash

No one’s bad as Rabadash

No one’s turned to a literal ass like Rabadash

_ This donkey might start hyperventilating _

Say it again

Who’s the ass among men? 

Who’s the heir to the throne

With his ears overgrown? 

Ask his subjects and all Calormen

There’s just one guy around with his hooves on the ground

And his name’s R-A-B-A…

Uh… D-A…

There’s too many A’s…

And I’ve lost my place... 

Rabadash! 

**Author's Note:**

> Because Rabadash really is the Gaston of the Chronicles.


End file.
